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Monday, December 7, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Wondering on a Wednesday
I'm feeling torn in so many places these days. There's that tear around my hip that still aches whenever I attempt to run on it for more than half an hour at a time. There's another hole near my head that makes me squint at my computer screen in frustration. Another small but bothersome rip in my gut that's making me anxious over the fading light and change of season. I'm also realizing that the tear over my heart keeps getting bigger, and I don't know what to do about it. I find myself restless, irritable, short tempered, listless, lonely. You name it, I could probably whine about it.
And that's just not me.
I'm supposed to be bubbly, quick to laugh, slightly snarky, smiling, on the move. This apathetic listless blob staring back at me from the mirror just doesn't feel right. I know she's hiding in there somewhere, but how to coax her back out? How does a person decide who they really want be, anyway? Doesn't that just happen?
I spent a wonderful 3 days in New York City this past week. It marked my second trip there, and I fell in love all over again. I know it's such a cliche, but I really felt at home there. There's something in the energy, the way people move and interact, that really appeals to me. The weather was beautiful and the conversations better. While I did learn that I am not cut out for 24/7 partying like the friends I encountered, I liked who I was there. Not afraid to ask strangers for help, walking with my chin up, chatting comfortably with people I'd met only 10 minutes before. Sometimes I miss the east coast so much it hurts.
On the one hand, I adore my job here. I could use more of a challenge, for sure. But it's a good gig and I'm lucky to have it. I wouldn't want to leave that behind. Yet on the other, well, I feel like I'm not ready to be done yet. Part of me wants to go back to school and stay there, always learning. I want to be better than I am at so many things, but don't know where to start or who to ask. I feel like I've given up and settled, and that's ridiculous.
Sometimes being an adult is so bothersome. If I had no obligations, I think I would pick up and move again. Would I be any more content in NYC? I doubt it. And the unbelievable hassle of moving all of my stuff across country for the second time would be unreasonable at this point. If I didn't have to worry about the debt, I'd apply to Columbia and NYU and harass their journalism departments until they let me in. Wishful thinking.
So for now, will someone please shake me and remind me what is good about this place? I loved early fall in Seattle. The weather was beautiful. Then the rains came back, and I'm homesick again. For the friends I left and can't seem to make here. If my sister and an awesome friend from high school weren't here I'd be going crazy.
Wondering on a Wednesday.....wondering what I really want and how to go about it. If anyone has any answers for me, I'm all ears!
And that's just not me.
I'm supposed to be bubbly, quick to laugh, slightly snarky, smiling, on the move. This apathetic listless blob staring back at me from the mirror just doesn't feel right. I know she's hiding in there somewhere, but how to coax her back out? How does a person decide who they really want be, anyway? Doesn't that just happen?
I spent a wonderful 3 days in New York City this past week. It marked my second trip there, and I fell in love all over again. I know it's such a cliche, but I really felt at home there. There's something in the energy, the way people move and interact, that really appeals to me. The weather was beautiful and the conversations better. While I did learn that I am not cut out for 24/7 partying like the friends I encountered, I liked who I was there. Not afraid to ask strangers for help, walking with my chin up, chatting comfortably with people I'd met only 10 minutes before. Sometimes I miss the east coast so much it hurts.
On the one hand, I adore my job here. I could use more of a challenge, for sure. But it's a good gig and I'm lucky to have it. I wouldn't want to leave that behind. Yet on the other, well, I feel like I'm not ready to be done yet. Part of me wants to go back to school and stay there, always learning. I want to be better than I am at so many things, but don't know where to start or who to ask. I feel like I've given up and settled, and that's ridiculous.
Sometimes being an adult is so bothersome. If I had no obligations, I think I would pick up and move again. Would I be any more content in NYC? I doubt it. And the unbelievable hassle of moving all of my stuff across country for the second time would be unreasonable at this point. If I didn't have to worry about the debt, I'd apply to Columbia and NYU and harass their journalism departments until they let me in. Wishful thinking.
So for now, will someone please shake me and remind me what is good about this place? I loved early fall in Seattle. The weather was beautiful. Then the rains came back, and I'm homesick again. For the friends I left and can't seem to make here. If my sister and an awesome friend from high school weren't here I'd be going crazy.
Wondering on a Wednesday.....wondering what I really want and how to go about it. If anyone has any answers for me, I'm all ears!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Today for you, tomorrow for me
Work beckons, and while I should be doing something constructive, I'd rather daydream about tomorrow. An ordinary Thursday yes, but what if it wasn't? The most spectacular thing could happen, and not even be a glint in my eye yet.
Sure, I'll get up, trip over cat 1, feed them both, feed myself, check e-mail....you get the gist. I'll head out the door to tap class, sit through a meeting, edit my way from start to finish. But maybe someone new will catch my eye at coffee, maybe I'll find a new favorite song on my commute, maybe we'll concentrate on the good news instead of the bad.
Even if it's just a typical Thursday, the thought that tomorrow could be better is keeping me company here today. Going a little stir crazy, stuck at my desk inside on a beautiful day. It's quiet in here, which always makes me want to be loud. That need to be heard, to not be so fearful of breaking the norm, my inner sense of splash seems to be kicking it's way back out. My tap teacher said something the other day, about how there is nothing introverted about tap. It's noisy, it's out there, it demands to be heard. And that's not something to fear. As she put it: "Even if you think you're wrong, just pick your foot up anyway. See where it takes you. And if it wasn't quite right, just go again. You'll get there."
I love that. Make the noise, make the splash, don't hesitate, don't be afraid to be wrong. You'll get there. And tomorrow? Tomorrow is a perfect ordinary day to take that first noisy step.
Sure, I'll get up, trip over cat 1, feed them both, feed myself, check e-mail....you get the gist. I'll head out the door to tap class, sit through a meeting, edit my way from start to finish. But maybe someone new will catch my eye at coffee, maybe I'll find a new favorite song on my commute, maybe we'll concentrate on the good news instead of the bad.
Even if it's just a typical Thursday, the thought that tomorrow could be better is keeping me company here today. Going a little stir crazy, stuck at my desk inside on a beautiful day. It's quiet in here, which always makes me want to be loud. That need to be heard, to not be so fearful of breaking the norm, my inner sense of splash seems to be kicking it's way back out. My tap teacher said something the other day, about how there is nothing introverted about tap. It's noisy, it's out there, it demands to be heard. And that's not something to fear. As she put it: "Even if you think you're wrong, just pick your foot up anyway. See where it takes you. And if it wasn't quite right, just go again. You'll get there."
I love that. Make the noise, make the splash, don't hesitate, don't be afraid to be wrong. You'll get there. And tomorrow? Tomorrow is a perfect ordinary day to take that first noisy step.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Why do we stop playing?
It's 5:00 on a crisp fall afternoon. I find myself wandering through Lincoln Park, walking from log to log. Hopping as far down the beach as I can, and hoping I and my recently replaced crackberry are not going to end up in the drink. I pause for a while on a log made smooth as silk by the waves, driftwood I can't help but run my hands over. Racing to the swing set at the end of the park, trying not to catch my toes in the dirt. My legs are somehow longer than I remember. The snap of the chain as I stretch higher towards the sky. Throwing a tennis ball for a stranger's overweight but enthusiastic chocolate lab.
8:30 on a Thursday night, loving my new knee high boots, on a high from a tap class earlier in the day. Peeking around corners, no one is there. Bouncing down the halls at work, cardigan floating behind me like a cape. Really SITTING on those back falaps. Dancing down the stairs like Ginger Rogers and praying the cleaning lady doesn't catch me.
I love to play. I'm 28, but I would gladly play tag with you if you asked. The other night as I was walking towards my car after a long day at work, the crackle in the air had me craving night games in the worst way. Did you ever play those as a kid? We would gather in someones back yard and play 1 o'clock 2 o'clock (a much more elaborate version of hide and go seek in the dark) or ghost in the graveyard. Bike rides around "the loop" seemed so much more dangerous and thrilling when the entire neighborhood was bathed in the black of night. The headlights of cars out on the "big road" always seemed so much more sinister, like ever driver was out to get us. The cornfield behind the house made for the most epic maze adventures.
Why does this have to stop? Who says we must grow out of the silly adventures of our younger days? I know as adults we have more "grown up" ways to play, but these usually involve more money and gear than I'm willing to invest it. I'd love to get a group together and chase around the neighborhood in the dark. And maybe supplement the night with an adult beverage or two when we're all too tired to run anymore.
I was on the swing at the park not too long ago, and a little girl grabbed the swing next to me. She couldn't have been more than 4 or 5. As I slowed my swing to make sure I wasn't going to run into her, she looked at me and said "Are you a kid too?" I had to laugh. Am I a kid too? Yes sweetie, most days, I definitely am.
8:30 on a Thursday night, loving my new knee high boots, on a high from a tap class earlier in the day. Peeking around corners, no one is there. Bouncing down the halls at work, cardigan floating behind me like a cape. Really SITTING on those back falaps. Dancing down the stairs like Ginger Rogers and praying the cleaning lady doesn't catch me.
I love to play. I'm 28, but I would gladly play tag with you if you asked. The other night as I was walking towards my car after a long day at work, the crackle in the air had me craving night games in the worst way. Did you ever play those as a kid? We would gather in someones back yard and play 1 o'clock 2 o'clock (a much more elaborate version of hide and go seek in the dark) or ghost in the graveyard. Bike rides around "the loop" seemed so much more dangerous and thrilling when the entire neighborhood was bathed in the black of night. The headlights of cars out on the "big road" always seemed so much more sinister, like ever driver was out to get us. The cornfield behind the house made for the most epic maze adventures.
Why does this have to stop? Who says we must grow out of the silly adventures of our younger days? I know as adults we have more "grown up" ways to play, but these usually involve more money and gear than I'm willing to invest it. I'd love to get a group together and chase around the neighborhood in the dark. And maybe supplement the night with an adult beverage or two when we're all too tired to run anymore.
I was on the swing at the park not too long ago, and a little girl grabbed the swing next to me. She couldn't have been more than 4 or 5. As I slowed my swing to make sure I wasn't going to run into her, she looked at me and said "Are you a kid too?" I had to laugh. Am I a kid too? Yes sweetie, most days, I definitely am.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
It's all about the small stuff
Borrowing a post from the lovely Polly over at Yoga is Yummy, it's all about the little things that make you smile. Here are a few that have made my list lately
1. Driving with the windows rolled down. I'm notorious for rolling down my windows, hair whipping in the wind without a car....in February. So long as it's not snowing and anywhere near 60 degrees, down go the windows. This usually means driving with the heat on full blast at the same time, but I just can't help myself. I love the feel of the breeze and my left hand resting outside the door, usually thumping on the blue metal in time to the music. Yes, I'm that crazy person in the car ahead of you on I-90 or the 520 bridge. I've also discovered that Washington smells absolutely glorious at this time of year. When you can inhale the scent of pine and lake water while driving 65 miles an hour, that says something about the air quality here, methinks.
2. Random trivia. Case in point, this evening while watching Nightly News with Brian Williams, there was a story on about Princes William and Harry. The report mentioned the word Shropshire, which Brian then repeated, chuckling spit out the "foreign" word. Something deep in my brain twisted around, and I blurted "THE SHROPSHIRE SLASHER!!!!!" in crazy cartoon intonation. My co-worker turned around, wondering if I had again lost my mind. Nope. It's from a Looney Tunes episode that I probably saw some Saturday morning 15 years ago. I explained the premise of the cartoon to him, and he didn't believe me. Ha! Behold, the beauty that is youtube! Deduce, you say? Vindicated by the glorious interwebs once again! I love that while I may not remember where I left my crackberry 30 seconds after I walk in the door, my brain somehow manages to dig up something completely obscure from childhood.
3. Words. Written, spoken, sung, I can't seem to get enough of them lately. I've been on an NPR bender, the likes of which I haven't done in at least a year. I've been reading anything I can get my hands on. I'm fascinated with what's happening in Iran right now, and have been trying to learn as much as I can about that part of the world. I also recently finished this book that talks about the Israel/Palestine conflict. It was recommended to me by a friend, and I was so struck by the author's quiet strength and insight.
That's just a handful of what's crossed my mind lately. It's a loud, messy place in there, and I love it!
1. Driving with the windows rolled down. I'm notorious for rolling down my windows, hair whipping in the wind without a car....in February. So long as it's not snowing and anywhere near 60 degrees, down go the windows. This usually means driving with the heat on full blast at the same time, but I just can't help myself. I love the feel of the breeze and my left hand resting outside the door, usually thumping on the blue metal in time to the music. Yes, I'm that crazy person in the car ahead of you on I-90 or the 520 bridge. I've also discovered that Washington smells absolutely glorious at this time of year. When you can inhale the scent of pine and lake water while driving 65 miles an hour, that says something about the air quality here, methinks.
2. Random trivia. Case in point, this evening while watching Nightly News with Brian Williams, there was a story on about Princes William and Harry. The report mentioned the word Shropshire, which Brian then repeated, chuckling spit out the "foreign" word. Something deep in my brain twisted around, and I blurted "THE SHROPSHIRE SLASHER!!!!!" in crazy cartoon intonation. My co-worker turned around, wondering if I had again lost my mind. Nope. It's from a Looney Tunes episode that I probably saw some Saturday morning 15 years ago. I explained the premise of the cartoon to him, and he didn't believe me. Ha! Behold, the beauty that is youtube! Deduce, you say? Vindicated by the glorious interwebs once again! I love that while I may not remember where I left my crackberry 30 seconds after I walk in the door, my brain somehow manages to dig up something completely obscure from childhood.
3. Words. Written, spoken, sung, I can't seem to get enough of them lately. I've been on an NPR bender, the likes of which I haven't done in at least a year. I've been reading anything I can get my hands on. I'm fascinated with what's happening in Iran right now, and have been trying to learn as much as I can about that part of the world. I also recently finished this book that talks about the Israel/Palestine conflict. It was recommended to me by a friend, and I was so struck by the author's quiet strength and insight.
That's just a handful of what's crossed my mind lately. It's a loud, messy place in there, and I love it!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Wondering on a Wednesday
Hello hello. Once again I've been neglecting my little space. I have no excuse really, other than to say I'm lacking a little focus. I've made a promise to myself that this will change. Stay tuned.
I'm wondering on a Wednesday, holed up in my lovely new workspace. They finally finished the renovations and moved us from the broom closet we were crammed into for six months to the new and improved newsroom. It has its quirks, but the lighting is wonderful and I really enjoy having my own desk again. Perched on one corner is a small framed picture of waves crashing at Point Judith, Rhode Island. One of the engineers picked the photo up with a smirk the other day, asking if that was my boyfriend. I laughed, saying it was merely my own little patch of workplace zen. As he walked away, I considered his query for a moment. The beach may as well be my significant other, in that I don't think I've loved anything else quite so unconditionally. Not even my family. I can say that because the beach has never attempted to ground me, or stolen my favorite sweatshirt. The beach is always there when I need it, its rolling voice at turns calming and driving. Encouraging me to relax, take action, or simply be. Often times when I find myself wrapped in anxiety, thoughts buzzing too quickly to sort, I picture myself body surfing in Newport or being tossed about like a pebble in Cabo. If I close my eyes tightly enough I can almost feel the cool soothing weightlessness of the water, wrapping me up and pushing everything else away. Saltwater washes clean the parts of my day, the parts of ME that refuse to be quieted by anything else.
Here in Seattle, the sound is generally too cold to swim in. I've grudgingly accepted this for now, and am gradually willing my easily-chilled skin to get used to it. I will go wading, and the days when I come home with dried salt on my legs and sand covering my feet are by far my favorites. I've planned a vacation to Little Rhody in July that I'm so excited for I almost don't know how I'm going to make it through the next month. Those perfect summer days, the salty memories that will last a lifetime. This summer is going to be all about building on that, whether I'm on the left coast or the right. A beach nearby is what makes a place home for me. Someday when I'm rich and famous, I would love to live where I can walk out the door in the morning with my coffee, and good book, a beach blanket, plant myself in the sand and watch the waves roll by as my body adapts again to being awake. Someday, this is my dream.
What about you? What makes a place home?
My one true love....
I'm wondering on a Wednesday, holed up in my lovely new workspace. They finally finished the renovations and moved us from the broom closet we were crammed into for six months to the new and improved newsroom. It has its quirks, but the lighting is wonderful and I really enjoy having my own desk again. Perched on one corner is a small framed picture of waves crashing at Point Judith, Rhode Island. One of the engineers picked the photo up with a smirk the other day, asking if that was my boyfriend. I laughed, saying it was merely my own little patch of workplace zen. As he walked away, I considered his query for a moment. The beach may as well be my significant other, in that I don't think I've loved anything else quite so unconditionally. Not even my family. I can say that because the beach has never attempted to ground me, or stolen my favorite sweatshirt. The beach is always there when I need it, its rolling voice at turns calming and driving. Encouraging me to relax, take action, or simply be. Often times when I find myself wrapped in anxiety, thoughts buzzing too quickly to sort, I picture myself body surfing in Newport or being tossed about like a pebble in Cabo. If I close my eyes tightly enough I can almost feel the cool soothing weightlessness of the water, wrapping me up and pushing everything else away. Saltwater washes clean the parts of my day, the parts of ME that refuse to be quieted by anything else.
Here in Seattle, the sound is generally too cold to swim in. I've grudgingly accepted this for now, and am gradually willing my easily-chilled skin to get used to it. I will go wading, and the days when I come home with dried salt on my legs and sand covering my feet are by far my favorites. I've planned a vacation to Little Rhody in July that I'm so excited for I almost don't know how I'm going to make it through the next month. Those perfect summer days, the salty memories that will last a lifetime. This summer is going to be all about building on that, whether I'm on the left coast or the right. A beach nearby is what makes a place home for me. Someday when I'm rich and famous, I would love to live where I can walk out the door in the morning with my coffee, and good book, a beach blanket, plant myself in the sand and watch the waves roll by as my body adapts again to being awake. Someday, this is my dream.
What about you? What makes a place home?
My one true love....
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Too quiet
It's been ages since I've had much to contribute here, which is frustrating to say the least. I'm not sure if it's the work I do that's causing it, but most days I find my head is spinning too much by the time I get home to put decent thoughts together, let alone anything that's worth sharing. I listen to the news for 8 hours, 3 of those hours at least are made up of yelling talk shows, and to call that draining is a bit of an understatement.
That said, here I am. Have you ever noticed that sometimes making a phone call can be the hardest part of a challenge? I had an important call that I knew I needed to make, but kept putting it off. The fear of being judged by the person on the other end overrides the relief that you know will come as soon as you hang up, call completed. I'm one of those people who even refuses to call and order pizza, let alone make a call for something I'm not really comfortable talking about. I won't bore you with the details, but I will say this. Yesterday I finally summoned all my courage and made the call. Wheels have been set in motion, and while I'm still a little nervous, I'm happy I'm finally taking charge of something. Which just goes to show, maybe I really don't need to be so scared of that blasted piece of red and black plastic.
Spring is tentatively showing it's face here in WS. My backyard is gorgeous right now. Lush green grass and flowers that are bolting their beds. I have tulips, hundreds of little purple flowers, a spray of white flowers that are so thick they look like a patch of melting snow. The rose bush is thinking about blooming, and many other bushes I can't identify are covered in pinks and reds and whites. If I were to buy a house here, this would be it. Unfortunately, we'll most likely be moving again at the end of August because of landlord issues. But for now I'm content to enjoy my little rain forest.
The running is not going so well at the moment. I screwed up my hip and knee on a long run a few weeks ago, and I'm trying to take a week off to let it heal up somewhat. I'm beyond frustrated right now, but I'm hoping things will get back to normal soon.
So that's what's new in my little corner of the world. Now the next question....to go to ballet this morning or not.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Here's hoping our allies can help
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Monday, March 9, 2009
More white death falls from the sky
details at 11...
In my past life working in television, I can't tell you how many times I had wanted to write scripts that are totally inappropriate for air but would have been almost worth getting fired over. If I was employed in Seattle television news, I think this is how my lead story would have gone this evening.
Widespread panic ensued across the greater Seattle metro area today as more mysterious white death fell from the sky. People became alarmed when the cold white substance began clinging to grass and tree branches. Fearing the worst, most drivers fled the safety of their office buildings for the highways and byways, taking comfort in knowing they were going nowhere fast. Though the flakes failed to accumulate on the pavement, the general consensus of 'better safe than sorry' kept traffic moving at a risky 5 miles an hour. If you don't need to drive this evening, please stay in your homes. We all know the dangers presented by slightly damp roadways, and encourage you to avoid them at all costs.
Seriously folks. It's just a little snow. In all my snark, I admit I'm a touch concerned about icing on the gigantic hill I live on, but in the grand scheme of things it's no big deal. As soon as the snow started sticking, around 3:00 p.m. I think, I watched as most other employees on campus freaked and started heading for home. There was a rather large stream of snail's pace vehicles for quite some time. The picture I snapped with my crackberry just doesn't do it justice. I had a good laugh and wandered back to my office. The snow stopped maybe half an hour later.
In other news....it seems the news all around us is frightfully bad these days. News and information is a passion of mine, but even I have reached my breaking point of ENOUGH already. When you find yourself watching Sesame Street instead of Good Morning America or Today, knowing full well that you need to know what's going on to do well at your job later, you know you're burnt out. So if need a good news break here's something for a laugh: Click here for Good News
Or, do you know anyone who's good work is improving the lives of others? Then share it with NBC Nightly News. All this week, they will be doing a "Making a Difference" segment every night (usually this is just Fridays) to showcase the good news that's out there. See here for details. This is in response to an overwhelming amount of viewer e-mails that also expressed enough already. If you don't believe your media is serving you, TELL THEM. News is still a public service....and it still relies on viewer and reader input to make the decisions of what to cover. Make yourself heard...you may be surprised at the response you get.
And in other more personal news: I did it. I signed up for the Seattle RNR half. I paid the money, I'm dedicated to it now, and I'm really excited about it.
May you all have some good news in your life!
In my past life working in television, I can't tell you how many times I had wanted to write scripts that are totally inappropriate for air but would have been almost worth getting fired over. If I was employed in Seattle television news, I think this is how my lead story would have gone this evening.
Widespread panic ensued across the greater Seattle metro area today as more mysterious white death fell from the sky. People became alarmed when the cold white substance began clinging to grass and tree branches. Fearing the worst, most drivers fled the safety of their office buildings for the highways and byways, taking comfort in knowing they were going nowhere fast. Though the flakes failed to accumulate on the pavement, the general consensus of 'better safe than sorry' kept traffic moving at a risky 5 miles an hour. If you don't need to drive this evening, please stay in your homes. We all know the dangers presented by slightly damp roadways, and encourage you to avoid them at all costs.
Seriously folks. It's just a little snow. In all my snark, I admit I'm a touch concerned about icing on the gigantic hill I live on, but in the grand scheme of things it's no big deal. As soon as the snow started sticking, around 3:00 p.m. I think, I watched as most other employees on campus freaked and started heading for home. There was a rather large stream of snail's pace vehicles for quite some time. The picture I snapped with my crackberry just doesn't do it justice. I had a good laugh and wandered back to my office. The snow stopped maybe half an hour later.
In other news....it seems the news all around us is frightfully bad these days. News and information is a passion of mine, but even I have reached my breaking point of ENOUGH already. When you find yourself watching Sesame Street instead of Good Morning America or Today, knowing full well that you need to know what's going on to do well at your job later, you know you're burnt out. So if need a good news break here's something for a laugh: Click here for Good News
Or, do you know anyone who's good work is improving the lives of others? Then share it with NBC Nightly News. All this week, they will be doing a "Making a Difference" segment every night (usually this is just Fridays) to showcase the good news that's out there. See here for details. This is in response to an overwhelming amount of viewer e-mails that also expressed enough already. If you don't believe your media is serving you, TELL THEM. News is still a public service....and it still relies on viewer and reader input to make the decisions of what to cover. Make yourself heard...you may be surprised at the response you get.
And in other more personal news: I did it. I signed up for the Seattle RNR half. I paid the money, I'm dedicated to it now, and I'm really excited about it.
May you all have some good news in your life!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Beautiful morning and a ponder too
I set out this morning for a run at Lincoln Park. Lately, on my way out the door I've been playing a little mind game with myself. This mental manipulation is necessary because I tend to get frustrated and talk myself out of things easily. The deal is always "just start out easy, one foot in front of the other, and if you're just not feeling it, it's OK to slow down and walk more." I logged 3.2 miles along the shore of the Sound this morning, and I've been smiling ever since. How could I not be? Crisp, clear blue skies, 45 degrees, sunshine so bright you can almost taste spring lurking around the corner. After snow and icy roads yesterday, today was that much sweeter. I watched ducks splash into the water and grinned to myself when a shaggy dog dashed away from his owner. I laugh so much when I'm having a good run, I have a sneaking suspicion those who pass me want to know what I'm smoking. Seeing as this is Seattle, they're probably wondering if I have any to share! (God, I love this city!) Call it running endorphins, call it high on life, call it whatever you want. What I do know is that one foot in front of another, that permission to just be "OK" if great isn't in today's cards seems to be working. Today's run was one of the strongest yet. I've been running four days a week for almost two months now.
And now to the ponder. A poster on some message boards I frequent mentioned that she's thinking about running the Seattle Rock 'n Roll marathon in June. Ever since she mentioned it, I can't stop thinking about the half marathon that goes along with it. I really want to try it, but a few nagging fears are holding me back. What if I get injured and then have to lay off physical activity for a while? What if I completely bonk and make an ass of myself? Mostly, I think I'm just afraid of failing. I'm afraid of getting bored and quitting again, like I have many times with running over the years. But maybe this is the goal I need to really be a "real" runner. So what do you think, dear readers? I get paid on the 7th, which would be as good a day as any to sign up. I'm just afraid it will be a waste of money. Almost 3 years ago there was a half that I signed up for in Massachusetts that I got a month into training for and quit, so there's that hanging over my head. To sign up, or not to sign up, that is most definitely the question!
Friday, February 6, 2009
A rousing Friday night
It's nights like these that I feel a little old. It's Friday night, I've been home from work for all of thirty minutes. I've been in my PJ's for 29 of those minutes. I'm propped up in my bed, glass of wine by one hand, 2 books and a journal by the other. There are two posts that have been cooking on the back burner for a week now, but instead I've landed on a good old fashioned ramble.
So what makes me feel old? See paragraph one. It's Friday night, and I'm in my pajamas. At 10:30. Shouldn't I be at a bar, whooping it up, stumbling home drunk at 3 a.m. after downing some greasy food in an attempt to sober up? Maybe. And I'm sure had I tried a little harder I could have found a few friends to join me in some intoxicated endeavours. But really, all I wanted was my bed, the glass of wine, some calming music, and a few books to drown out the noise in my head. I could be 85 or 18 tonight, I'm not really sure which. I love my job, but sometimes after a week full of talking heads and political pundits the only thing I want is a little quiet.
I raise my glass of chardonnay in your direction, and leave you with something I came across from one of my favorite authors:
"Geologists may see their years in terms of time, musicians in some echo that dies in air, the poet strains language beyond the bounds of telling, the physicist sees diagrams of force rather than forms, the historian watches himself as one more wave among waves of sea; but to us, who delight in maps, the idea of life inclines to be spatial - we see it moving from point to point, like a river, if we have more feeling for the unexpectedness of nature" - Freya Stark
Here's to the weekend, and to enjoying it, whether you burn the midnight oil or prefer to warm your hands by it!
So what makes me feel old? See paragraph one. It's Friday night, and I'm in my pajamas. At 10:30. Shouldn't I be at a bar, whooping it up, stumbling home drunk at 3 a.m. after downing some greasy food in an attempt to sober up? Maybe. And I'm sure had I tried a little harder I could have found a few friends to join me in some intoxicated endeavours. But really, all I wanted was my bed, the glass of wine, some calming music, and a few books to drown out the noise in my head. I could be 85 or 18 tonight, I'm not really sure which. I love my job, but sometimes after a week full of talking heads and political pundits the only thing I want is a little quiet.
I raise my glass of chardonnay in your direction, and leave you with something I came across from one of my favorite authors:
"Geologists may see their years in terms of time, musicians in some echo that dies in air, the poet strains language beyond the bounds of telling, the physicist sees diagrams of force rather than forms, the historian watches himself as one more wave among waves of sea; but to us, who delight in maps, the idea of life inclines to be spatial - we see it moving from point to point, like a river, if we have more feeling for the unexpectedness of nature" - Freya Stark
Here's to the weekend, and to enjoying it, whether you burn the midnight oil or prefer to warm your hands by it!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
He's crossed over!
Now I know my family has been converted. Small flakes of white death have been falling from the sky this morning. F1 walked into my room a few minutes ago, stared out the window and started chirping. The chirp progress to full on 'must kill whatever predator is lurking on my turf' complete with puffed out tail. Wondering what the hell had caused his spazz attack, I hauled my butt out of my nice cozy bed to peer out through the partially open mini-blinds. There's nothing out in the yard. I turned and looked, F1 is still going apeshit, but refusing to come any closer to the window. I searched the yard again, looking for whatever could be so offensive. Plenty of plant matter, but no animal. And then it dawned on me. I think he's chirping at the snow. That's right, my Wisconsin born one time stray kitty is freaking out over some flurries. Maybe all that snowpocalypse coverage finally got to him. I opened the blinds the rest of the way, and now F1 is nowhere to be found. Coincidence? I have to admit, I find the white crap as offensive as he does, especially after yesterday. It was freezing by my new wussy standards, but so sunny I could forgive the cold. The mountains where out on both sides, which never fails to get a smile out of me.
Presenting exhibit A:
Excuse the crappy quality, as that was taken with my phone, but I think you get the gist. That view is 2 blocks behind my house, where the street dead-ends at the top of the hill. I hope I never get to the point where the mountains become boring. I hope 20 years from now they still make me smile as much as they do right now.
Now it's time to get my ass OFF of said nice warm bed and at least attempt to be productive for a few hours before work. I spend so much time online while I'm at work, you would think it would be the last things I would waste time on before work. Sadly, this isn't the case. I may need an intervention.
Is it the weekend yet?
Presenting exhibit A:
Excuse the crappy quality, as that was taken with my phone, but I think you get the gist. That view is 2 blocks behind my house, where the street dead-ends at the top of the hill. I hope I never get to the point where the mountains become boring. I hope 20 years from now they still make me smile as much as they do right now.
Now it's time to get my ass OFF of said nice warm bed and at least attempt to be productive for a few hours before work. I spend so much time online while I'm at work, you would think it would be the last things I would waste time on before work. Sadly, this isn't the case. I may need an intervention.
Is it the weekend yet?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
What a day
I'm beyond excited that Inauguration Day is finally here. Our new president has some monumental tasks ahead of him, but if we can just continue the spirit that seems to have surrounded us all lately, that spirit of working together, I can only imagine the possibilities.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Happy dance!
The sun is out for the second day in a row. To say I'm thrilled is the understatement of the weeks-old year. I've got a planned class at my gym in an hour, but after that the great outdoors will be all mine. Even if it's something as simple as sitting outside with my coffee later, this girl is longing for some topical vitamin d. The big glowing orb poked it's face out after my morning run yesterday, of course, but even the little bit I managed to steal after buying my new phone was sweet. Watching the sunset over the Olympics on my way to dinner with friends was this close to perfect. After all the gray, you really learn to appreciate whatever daylight you can steal.
F1 and F2 don't seem much fazed by this lack of light. They're both curled up at the foot of my bed, already staking their claim on my brand new comforter. They're both facing the same direction, oddly enough. They're warm, well fed, and hopefully happy. Kind of like I am on this cold and clear Sunday morning.
In other non-solar news....my beloved little pink phone is no more. It met it's unfortunate end in my gym bag Thursday morning when it went for a swim in 2 inches of stupid leaking water bottle liquid. Amazingly, after I let it dry out for 24 hours it would turn on and somewhat function, but I knew it was just a matter of time before the water bubble forming a halo around Rachel Maddow's face corroded the rest of the screen. So yesterday I nipped the inevitable in the bud and bought myself a new toy. I have a blackberry curve in 'sunset', oddly fitting for this girl, I think. So far, I like it a lot, but we'll see if it stands the test of time. Hopefully I can keep from dropping this one as much as the razr tended to bounce. The only thing I don't like about it? It's not pink!
So off I go, to savor my first cup of coffee and then get my butt kicked by the crazy russian trainer at my gym. Is it weird that I'm sort of looking forward to the impending ass whooping?
Enjoy your Sunday!
F1 and F2 don't seem much fazed by this lack of light. They're both curled up at the foot of my bed, already staking their claim on my brand new comforter. They're both facing the same direction, oddly enough. They're warm, well fed, and hopefully happy. Kind of like I am on this cold and clear Sunday morning.
In other non-solar news....my beloved little pink phone is no more. It met it's unfortunate end in my gym bag Thursday morning when it went for a swim in 2 inches of stupid leaking water bottle liquid. Amazingly, after I let it dry out for 24 hours it would turn on and somewhat function, but I knew it was just a matter of time before the water bubble forming a halo around Rachel Maddow's face corroded the rest of the screen. So yesterday I nipped the inevitable in the bud and bought myself a new toy. I have a blackberry curve in 'sunset', oddly fitting for this girl, I think. So far, I like it a lot, but we'll see if it stands the test of time. Hopefully I can keep from dropping this one as much as the razr tended to bounce. The only thing I don't like about it? It's not pink!
So off I go, to savor my first cup of coffee and then get my butt kicked by the crazy russian trainer at my gym. Is it weird that I'm sort of looking forward to the impending ass whooping?
Enjoy your Sunday!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Footnotes
"Really need to get the car looked at....the oil change is way over due. And those brakes...I mean really. Do you REALLY want to keep worrying about it all the time? No. But the money. Money, always a problem whether you have it or you don't. Make a few phone calls on Monday to get some estimates, it might be cheaper than you think. Ok. And don't put off the phone anymore either. You just got luck this morning that it turned back on at all. Don't forget to ask K about her class. More plane crash coverage today I'll bet. Amazing. Still can't believe everyone walked away ok. Nice to have a flaming newsgasm over something good for once. Newsgasm. Ha. Love that word. Wonder if there's a chance RM would ever use it on her show. That would totally rock my world. Yeah, easy customer, I know. Ok, he's cute. The dog is a little ridiculous. Bet he's taken. I can't imagine any single guy getting a poodle like that for himself. Time to take the gloves off. Hmmm...maybe not, now my fingers are too damn cold. How is it possible that it still smells like summer down here? Oh my god, is that a seal? Or a sea otter?? Definitely one of the two, but I can never remember which is which. Oh wow, that's so cool...."
Just a smattering of the ridiculousness that runs through my head when I'm pounding the pavement. So far, I have 25 miles logged since January 1. We'll see how long I can keep this up! Though so far, the coolest thing I think I've seen has to be that sea otter I saw swimming at Alki beach Thursday morning. Way cool.
Just a smattering of the ridiculousness that runs through my head when I'm pounding the pavement. So far, I have 25 miles logged since January 1. We'll see how long I can keep this up! Though so far, the coolest thing I think I've seen has to be that sea otter I saw swimming at Alki beach Thursday morning. Way cool.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
A pacific northwest gal?
Though perhaps with just that one word in the title I've blown my cover...do people in the PNW even say gal? I know when I said that in New England people looked at me funny. I'm not sure I've heard it used much outside of the midwest, come to think of it. But as usual, I digress.
How long do you suppose it takes before you become part of a place, and that place becomes part of you? My Wisconsin roots were born and raised, and will always be there no matter where I live. Part of that is reflected by the pink Green Bay Packers hat that's currently adorning my curly-head. And try as I might, the accent just won't go away either. (I'm the go-to Sarah Palin impersonator in my office for that very reason!) While two years in Rhode Island didn't leave me with any obvious baggage, I did absorb a love of seafood, good coffee, the ocean, and ADVENTURE while I was there.
So what leads me to believe I may be transforming to a PNW-er? Well, what I was wearing when I went to get coffee this morning, of course. It's January, 40 and overcast, and I went out in capri-length baggy yoga pants, a hoodie, the previously mention hat.....and flip flops. FLIP FLOPS! In JANUARY! The pants are also about as close to shorts as I get these days, and the combination at this time of year boggles my mind, to be honest. In my old stomping grounds of Provy it's 25. In my hometown, it's a whopping 6 degrees. Yes, I do mean farenheight. YIPES!
I stood at the top of the steps that lead down to my backyard, coffee in hand, surveying my domain. Grass. Misty rain. Green mysterious somethings poking through the earth in one of the flowerbeds. A deep breath of rain-washed-crisp-cool air. I saw all this, and it was good.
But seriously...shorts in January? In PUBLIC?? That's how I know I'm converting.
That, and my need for multiple grande americanos to get through the day. Naturally!
And in other news....I'm going to get my running shoes today! I'm so excited!
Have a great weekend!
How long do you suppose it takes before you become part of a place, and that place becomes part of you? My Wisconsin roots were born and raised, and will always be there no matter where I live. Part of that is reflected by the pink Green Bay Packers hat that's currently adorning my curly-head. And try as I might, the accent just won't go away either. (I'm the go-to Sarah Palin impersonator in my office for that very reason!) While two years in Rhode Island didn't leave me with any obvious baggage, I did absorb a love of seafood, good coffee, the ocean, and ADVENTURE while I was there.
So what leads me to believe I may be transforming to a PNW-er? Well, what I was wearing when I went to get coffee this morning, of course. It's January, 40 and overcast, and I went out in capri-length baggy yoga pants, a hoodie, the previously mention hat.....and flip flops. FLIP FLOPS! In JANUARY! The pants are also about as close to shorts as I get these days, and the combination at this time of year boggles my mind, to be honest. In my old stomping grounds of Provy it's 25. In my hometown, it's a whopping 6 degrees. Yes, I do mean farenheight. YIPES!
I stood at the top of the steps that lead down to my backyard, coffee in hand, surveying my domain. Grass. Misty rain. Green mysterious somethings poking through the earth in one of the flowerbeds. A deep breath of rain-washed-crisp-cool air. I saw all this, and it was good.
But seriously...shorts in January? In PUBLIC?? That's how I know I'm converting.
That, and my need for multiple grande americanos to get through the day. Naturally!
And in other news....I'm going to get my running shoes today! I'm so excited!
Have a great weekend!
Monday, January 5, 2009
New year, new start?
So far, I have to say that my short list of resolutions is off on the right foot, so to speak. I promised myself that I was going to make a real effort to improve on my fitness levels this year. I've been a "runner" on and off for years, but gave up again last May. I needed new shoes and couldn't afford them at the time. Months rolled by, and before I realized it summer had turned to winter and my year-old crusty asics are still mocking me from the corner. Replace me... they keep whispering. You know you can do better than me... And when footwear speaks to you, you really should listen. After months of moving and flying home expenses, some much appreciated Christmas money will be joining me on a spending spree at Jock and Jill Sports this weekend. Sweet new running shoes...oh yes, you will be mine. As I discovered on New Year's Day, my running skillllz are basically starting from scratch. I went out in the old shoes, even though they make my knees hurt, and cracked out 2.7 miles in the mist. I did a 'run for three, walk for 1' and it worked out pretty well, actually. Just the fact that I went out a DID IT...hangover and all, made me pretty happy. And I remembered why I liked running in the first place.
Sunday I tried a new class at my gym, and 2 days later I'm still feeling the effect of it in the muscles of my upper back. This pleases me for some reason. The physical benefits are nice, yes, but again that "hey I said I was going to do this and I did" feeling almost outweighs that.
This morning I'm torn over where to head. I'd like to go out for another 'run', but I don't want to push it too much on bad shoes and end up hurting before I get my new toys this weekend. I could go to the gym and ride the bike, but that just doesn't sound as appealing. Decisions decisions.
Either way, I know I'm doing something good for myself. I can't change my ridiculously sluggish thyroid that makes it hard to keep from gaining weight. I can't change that my job keeps me sitting at my desk for most of my 8 hour day. But I can change how physical I choose to be in my downtime.
Off I go!
Sunday I tried a new class at my gym, and 2 days later I'm still feeling the effect of it in the muscles of my upper back. This pleases me for some reason. The physical benefits are nice, yes, but again that "hey I said I was going to do this and I did" feeling almost outweighs that.
This morning I'm torn over where to head. I'd like to go out for another 'run', but I don't want to push it too much on bad shoes and end up hurting before I get my new toys this weekend. I could go to the gym and ride the bike, but that just doesn't sound as appealing. Decisions decisions.
Either way, I know I'm doing something good for myself. I can't change my ridiculously sluggish thyroid that makes it hard to keep from gaining weight. I can't change that my job keeps me sitting at my desk for most of my 8 hour day. But I can change how physical I choose to be in my downtime.
Off I go!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
A 2008 Meme
From Blindedbylaughter over at LJ!
1) Where did you begin 2008?
At the Black and White Ball at McFadden's in Providence, then on to our favorite greasy spoon diner around the corner from Elysia's.
2) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
I was single and working on the Big Move 2.0
3) Were you in school anytime this year?
No
4) How did you earn your money?
Working at WPRI in Providence, and now my new employer which I adore
5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
No, but I did go to urgent care twice. That was the first time in years.
6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Other than exchanging pleasantries outside of Uptown, I don't think so
7) Would you re-live 2008 over and over again?
No. It wasn't a bad year, but there is so much more to explore!
8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
The courier that moved my stuff.
9) Did you know anyone who got married?
A few people, yes.
10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
I'm not sure.
11) Did you know anyone who had a baby?
My good friend Megan. Nathan is adorable!
13) What concerts/shows did you go to?
Bon Iver, Mike McCready somewhere downtown, Capitol Hill block party, Fleet Foxes, something at Skylark.
14) Are you registered to vote?
Yes, and vote I did!
15) Do you still have the same job as you did in 2007?
Nope! :)
16)Has anyone betrayed you in 2008?
Not really.
17) Where do you live now?
West Seattle, WA.
18) Describe your birthday?
Dinner and drinks the night before, a midnight walk on the beach with the new boy, then dinner and drinks with friends on my actual birthday. It was nice, to say the least.
19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2008?
moved to Seattle.
20) What has been your favorite moment?
Too many to count, really!
21) What's something you learned about yourself?
That I can find ways to make just about anything happen.
22) Any new additions to your family?
One of my cousins has a new baby....and my sister's boyfriend is an addition to the family in a lot of ways too.
23) What was your best month?
I think August was pretty great.
24) Were you in a relationship this year?
Yes. It didn't work out, but we're still good friends.
25) What music will you remember 2008 by?
Anything by Bon Iver and Fleet Foxes.
26) Who has been your best drinking buddy/buddies?
My sister and Kerry.
27) New friend?
Yes! I've made quite a few, actually.
28) Favorite Night out?
My sister's graduation in Vancouver.
29) Would you say you've changed since the beginning of this year?
Quite a bit, actually. I've realised that relationships are not as evil as I once thought.
30) Name one lifestyle change you made this year
I've quit smoking almost completely.
31) Do you think 2009 will be better or worse?
I'm hoping it's better, and I'm already putting things in place to make it happen.
1) Where did you begin 2008?
At the Black and White Ball at McFadden's in Providence, then on to our favorite greasy spoon diner around the corner from Elysia's.
2) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
I was single and working on the Big Move 2.0
3) Were you in school anytime this year?
No
4) How did you earn your money?
Working at WPRI in Providence, and now my new employer which I adore
5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
No, but I did go to urgent care twice. That was the first time in years.
6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Other than exchanging pleasantries outside of Uptown, I don't think so
7) Would you re-live 2008 over and over again?
No. It wasn't a bad year, but there is so much more to explore!
8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
The courier that moved my stuff.
9) Did you know anyone who got married?
A few people, yes.
10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
I'm not sure.
11) Did you know anyone who had a baby?
My good friend Megan. Nathan is adorable!
13) What concerts/shows did you go to?
Bon Iver, Mike McCready somewhere downtown, Capitol Hill block party, Fleet Foxes, something at Skylark.
14) Are you registered to vote?
Yes, and vote I did!
15) Do you still have the same job as you did in 2007?
Nope! :)
16)Has anyone betrayed you in 2008?
Not really.
17) Where do you live now?
West Seattle, WA.
18) Describe your birthday?
Dinner and drinks the night before, a midnight walk on the beach with the new boy, then dinner and drinks with friends on my actual birthday. It was nice, to say the least.
19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2008?
moved to Seattle.
20) What has been your favorite moment?
Too many to count, really!
21) What's something you learned about yourself?
That I can find ways to make just about anything happen.
22) Any new additions to your family?
One of my cousins has a new baby....and my sister's boyfriend is an addition to the family in a lot of ways too.
23) What was your best month?
I think August was pretty great.
24) Were you in a relationship this year?
Yes. It didn't work out, but we're still good friends.
25) What music will you remember 2008 by?
Anything by Bon Iver and Fleet Foxes.
26) Who has been your best drinking buddy/buddies?
My sister and Kerry.
27) New friend?
Yes! I've made quite a few, actually.
28) Favorite Night out?
My sister's graduation in Vancouver.
29) Would you say you've changed since the beginning of this year?
Quite a bit, actually. I've realised that relationships are not as evil as I once thought.
30) Name one lifestyle change you made this year
I've quit smoking almost completely.
31) Do you think 2009 will be better or worse?
I'm hoping it's better, and I'm already putting things in place to make it happen.
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